Learning to be independent is never an easy thing. Depending on yourself for your happiness is even more important but not always as easy as it sounds or should be. Both are equally vital to any healthy lifestyle and neither should be underestimated. It’s taken a reality check for me to see the value of these qualities. And now I’m more determined than ever to get a healthier mindset and take control.
I headed to work in London the other week and was by myself for the first time in too long which brought up so many emotions and uncertainties that I didn’t realise I had underlying. I’m not sure when it started, but all of a sudden, not having someone ask me if I was ok or if there was anything I wanted or needed got me feeling low. Which I am aware makes me sound very pandered to, I’m not a demanding person, or a high maintenance girlfriend or anything like that, but knowing that everyone else was happily going on with their day and not constantly checking on me, made me realise I needed to check myself. How narcissistic does that make me sound!?! But, it’s true. I had put too much dependence on other people making me feel valued and happy that I didn’t know how to do that for myself, not good Ellie!
The moment that you can’t be alone for whatever reason it is, you need to get to the root of the problem and workout if its a healthy or unhealthy place to be in. There is nothing wrong with being unhappy, there is nothing wrong with having a dependence on your partner, after all that is what you’re meant to do. You’re a team. But I had let myself get too caught up with having him look after me when I am totally capable of being my own woman too!
I went for a run, put on a podcast and then grabbed myself a coffee and my notebook. I decided to write out all the bad emotions and leave them on the page. I did not want to be feeling like that and I was determined to find value in myself that I can celebrate by and for myself.
Today I went for coffee with a friend that I haven’t seen in much too long and we were talking all things growing up, how we’ve changed and the differences in having found love and having to deal with heartbreak. Coming from the more fortunate of the last two positions I felt horribly aware that anything I said about getting over something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy was going to sound unhelpful and cliched, but I stand by a couple of key points that life has taught me before and during my relationship;
Firstly, TRUST YOUR GUT. As soon as something doesn’t sit quite right with you, take a breath, figure out why and sort that shit out.
Secondly, don’t focus on something so much that you don’t see or allow something to change the plan you thought you had to stick to.
And lastly, no matter what your situation, be it relationship based, happiness or depression based, or anything else, know and believe that no matter how fitting advice that you read may seem, it wasn’t written for you and your circumstance exactly and so it wont fit exactly. Go back to trusting your gut and learning to make your own happiness.
I needed to write this, to bring to the table absolute rambling nonsense but to hopefully trigger the thought about making your own happiness and the importance of it. There are so many reasons to be independant, and I’m not talking about pushing people or help away, but to just have that awareness that sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and get back to base one.
I expect that as soon as I post this, my mind will go wild with editors notes and extra things that I could talk about, but thats for another post, I’m sure.
Take care of yourselves, please.